Floating on the Ordinary

I once heard a woman exclaim, "I feel like I'm drowning in motherhood."  I know exactly what she means.  It's not always life's major catastrophes that break me, it's the daily grind.  The routine.  The constancy.  Yes, even the rut.  It's the toddler who refuses to obey.  It's the baby whose radar monitors mommy's sweet drift to sleep with astounding accuracy.  It's the oatmeal mashed into the freshly-cleaned carpet; the tantrum when a request for Cheerios apparently meant Cinnamon Life.  It's the constant clattering, chattering, and battering the mommy when all I really need is five minutes to clear my head, nevermind the constantly cluttered house.  And how many Hot Wheels could one possibly trip over in a lifetime?!  Some days, life feels like it just never stops.  Battle after battle.  Day after day.  Chugging along on three consistent hours of sleep (or less).


But somewhere within this tsunami of motherhood, a little life preserver appears on the stormy waves.  I see a mother give me a knowing smile when I corral two squirmy children into the grocery store.  I recognize the light in an old man's eyes when my little red-headed Pudgie charms him with a smile.  I feel the forgiveness of many when I crash that darn, impossible-to-steer bus cart into yet another innocent ankle.  And most importantly, I cling to the precious pools of reminiscence in the eyes of a grandmother at the checkout, a once-young mother like me who smiles in remembrance of her ornery, red-headed son--a boy who undoubtedly mashed his oatmeal into the carpet and planted Hot Wheel land mines throughout the living room.  And my soul secretly pleads to them, "Tell me it gets better."


I know it won't be like this for long, but some days the clock refuses to budge.  On days like these, you can quote all the biblical promises of training up a child, but I've already heard them.  And I've already read the Proverbs-happy, supermom blogs boasting their power in fulfilling "a woman's highest calling"...with coupons and cupcakes to boot!   I am not always seeking a lifeboat, just a scrap of lumber assuring me my ship won't sink.  So today, I relish a subtle reassurance from the grocery store snippets of those who have weathered the storm.  The generation that has made it through, who have reached "Someday"--that proverbial day when they realized they could now look back at the tumultuous times and smile.  And while today is not "Someday" for me, if I can somehow allow that hope of the future peace of accomplishment to wash over me, I believe I can take a cleansing breath and stay afloat a little bit longer.